


A Seed of Hope

by Midnight_Blossom



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Again not sure, Also I guess angst, And Also Pre in some cases, But During Canon, Don't know how much of either, Fluff, Gen, Gets Off Canon, I Don't Even Know, I Learned A Little On Tagging, I Tried, Maybe I didn't learn, Memories, No Smut, No Spoilers, Okay No One Shot, Other, Promises, multi-chaptered, not sure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-08-18 12:01:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8161423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midnight_Blossom/pseuds/Midnight_Blossom
Summary: The girl more breathed than actually spoke, like the trees were trying to communicate instead of a person. Her eyes shone a disdain that Madara knew better than return but she didn’t accuse him, simply turning to her side and leaning against the bark of a nearby tree.
“I would rather you not play around with prey in my domain. It is not as easy to clean as you seem to think…” Her eyes roamed over Natsume before continuing, “And the trees seem more than adamant that the boy there is a bit too special for a morning snack.”





	1. A Chance Encounter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, okay so it is just ten minutes after. Sew me, I was fixing things. 
> 
> Making everything nice and pretty.
> 
> Wait, no. 
> 
> Don't sew me.

**CHAPTER ONE: A CHANCE ENCOUNTER**

 

 

It had been just another day.

 

Natsume sat among the trees, his hands holding out the Book of Friends as he whispered the usual small prayer to release a name. A youkai sat in front of him, looking anxious and excited after decades of being bound. The Book of Friends reacted to Natsume’s voice, flipping to a page and sticking the paper straight up. Natsume took it and placed it in his mouth in one fluid motion, breathing out  a sigh and releasing the name. He felt strength leave him and memories filled its place, giving him another glimpse of his grandmother’s smiling face as she brandished her baseball bat and simply asked,

“What’s your name?”

 

Natsume sighed as the memory ended and the youkai bowed in thanks before disappearing into a haze of butterflies. Natsume waited a second before falling to the ground, letting the grass tickle his cheek. He had almost closed his eyes when a ball of fur jumped on top of him, knocking the breath out of him.

“Stupid Natsume, the book is smaller yet again!”

Natsume laughed, musing over the fact that this conversation had become so surreal for the two of them.

“Sensei, don’t worry. I am sure you’ll get at least a few names at the end.”

Nyanko-sensei simply clicked his tongue and pawed Natsume’s face, not letting him relax. “Shut up. And let’s go. You promised manju buns.”

Natsume groaned, remembering the promise but still not wanting to move from his spot. He felt his eyelids close even as he struggled into a sitting position. “Just give me a moment. Then we’ll go.”

“What? No, wake up Natsume! Natsume!”

But the boy was already asleep, his breathing even and his body relaxed. Nyanko-sensei sighed and simply settled in the boy’s lap, purring and closing his eyes. The sun moved through the leaves and a decent wind picked up, causing the rustling to become a soothing lullaby for both human and youkai.

If only it would last.

Without opening his eyes or moving from his spot, Nyanko-sensei simply bristled, not letting the presence get closer. His voice changed as he addressed it, coming out more like a growl from his original form.

“Who are you!?”

The trees rustled again and a figure appeared before the two. Nyanko-sensei opened an eye and found a girl who looked almost human. Her eyes were more slits than real irises and her face held the marks of branches reaching out and curling around her left. Two colors glared at him, a iridescent purple and a emerald green. Nyanko-sensei shifted slightly, not happy at recognizing the face.

“It’s been a while, keeper of the Trees, Ki. What do you want?”

Her eyes narrowed, showing a bit of concern before they deadpanned. “Madara.”

The girl more breathed than actually spoke, like the trees were trying to communicate instead of a person. Her eyes shone a disdain that Madara knew better than return but she didn’t accuse him, simply turning to her side and leaning against the bark of a nearby tree.

“I would rather you not play around with prey in my domain. It is not as easy to clean as you seem to think…” Her eyes roamed over Natsume before continuing, “And the trees seem more than adamant that the boy there is a bit too special for a morning snack.”

Madara sighed, too familiar with the miscalculation to actually address. “Oh and just how is he special?”

He knew it was because of his power but he waited for an answer anyways. Ki tilted her head to the side, as if listening before responding.

“He has saved a few of the treelings from the storm a few days ago. Re-planted them and everything. Also, it seems the trees have been watching his repeated activities throughout the forest.”

Madara remembered the incident. Some of the local youkai had asked the boy to simply help them with getting the small sprouts stand again and, to Madara’s annoyance, Natsume had set on replanting them and making sure they were safe. His hands had gotten scratches from the dirt in the forest and his clothes were so muddy he could only laugh when he went home that day. Ki seemed amused and pleased as she answered, a light feel to her voice and he wondered if that was why she came.

Before he could ask, Natsume stirred against him, maybe woken by Ki’s prolonged presence.

“Sensei?”

Natsume rubbed his eyes and looked down, giving the cat a fond pat when he found him in his lap. He looked up, noticed Ki and instantly stiffened, slowly taking Madara into his arms and rising until he was eye-to-eye with her.

She left her tree, walked until she was a foot away and cooed, obviously happy at seeing Natsume. She didn’t mind his nervousness and gave him a reassuring wave. His noted that her voice vibrated in the air instead of actually speaking, like she was simply thinking and it resounded from the trees.

“Do not fear child. I am simply here to thank you. No need to cling to your bodyguard as if he is going to actually protect you.”

Nyanko-sensei let out an indignant noise and started yelling but Natsume simply patted his head again and smiled. The youkai in front of him wasn’t evil, he could feel it and she didn’t seem to be lying. She matched his smile with one of her own and he noticed that her teeth looked normal, like a human’s. He allowed himself to calm down, relaxing his hold on Nyanko-sensei, and studied the youkai before him.

She was about his height, standing comfortably eye-to-eye. She wore boots that looked like a smooth brown of clay that reached her knees. Underneath she wore darker leggings, matching the bark of many of the trees around them. A shirt, dark green, sat snugly on her chest with belt-like vines wrapped around her waist and small bracelets, gold, worn on her arms. Her hair was held in a loose ponytail, deep red at the edges and fading into a lavender at the roots, the tips barely sneaking past her knees. Two eyes looked at him, one green and the other purple. And he saw a tattoo that started at a corner of her left eye and twisted until it ran into the collar of her shirt. A small seed hung from her right ear, swinging with every movement she made.

Natsume was surprised for a moment and openly stared. She looked so human that, without the slits that were her eyes, he could have been fooled. But he was snapped back to reality when he realized that she had been talking and a slight blush hit his cheeks.

“Sorry, what was that?”

She smiled and repeated. “I asked if you might have been the one who helped with the little sprouts the other day?”

Natsume watched as her hand gestured to the trees before it clicked in his mind. “Oh yeah. It was no big deal. Just a little gardening.”

Nyanko-sensei sighed in exasperation. “Yeah, even if you got yourself cut and ruined your clothes.”

“Sensei!”

The yokai cooed again and the sound mixed with a laugh, “I see. While in that case, I must repay you. Can I see your hands?”

Natsume blinked in reluctance as Nyanko-sensei moved from his arms onto his shoulder. Without taking his eyes off the yokai, he slowly held his hands out, reaching. She simply reached too, stopping her hands a few inches away with her palms up, waiting for Natsume to initiate the contact. Veins resembled the ones found on leaves and Natsume found comfort in them for some odd reason. He placed his hands on hers and allowed it when she closed them and examined, noting the hairline cuts and bandages around a few fingers. She clicked her tongue, sounding a lot like Touko-san when she examined them days ago.

“Silly human. Do you not realize how fragile you are?”

And with that, a soft light glowed from her palms and Natsume was overtaken with the sensation of warmth running down his fingers. It left as soon as it came but Natsume pulled his hands back to find them healed, his bandages suddenly becoming useless. He smiled at the yokai, noting the way she tilted her head and waited for a response.

“Thank you. It feels a bit better now. I’m Natsume Takashi by the way. May I ask for your name?”

She laughed at that. “Yes but I feel like I have already given you it. My name is Ki and I am the keeper of this forest and the trees. You have my thanks Natsume Takashi. I was afraid for the sprouts but I am glad there is still kindness in the humans who live close with us.”

With that Ki bowed and Natsume finally noticed a faint heat coming from the Book of Friends. He went to retrieve it and waited as it opened to a page closer to the front, the page well-worn and marked with a slight dog-ear. Natsume looked up to see a bemused look on Ki.

“Um… perhaps you knew my grandmother, Natsume Reiko?”

Ki laughed again, “Yes, I knew Reiko. She was a true friend.”

Natsume noted that Ki said “was” and didn’t elaborate, seeing the sadness held in the youkai's eyes. She already knew Reiko was gone. Natsume nodded and went to reach for the paper, looking away from Ki, noticing the same look he must have wore when he remembered his grandmother every time he shared a youkai’s memories. Sad but happy. Pained but blessed.

“Well then, I’ll return your name to you. I have been in place of my grandmother. I am sorry I have held onto it too long.”

Before he could rip the sheet out though, Ki took his hand, stopping his movement. He looked up and saw a spark of something - hope? - and gave her a questioning look.

“Keep my name Takashi. I am happy Reiko has kept it safe all this time and it gives me comfort to know that her family has not all died out.”

At that Natsume felt a warmth he couldn’t place. Ki had used his first name and it felt _nice_. Like he had been waiting for it to leave her lips. It gave him a comfort he couldn’t place. It also made him feel weirdly weak with pleasure and quite vulnerable. Natsume squirmed, visibly uncomfortable. Nyanko-sensei must have noticed this because he bristled and look at Ki with a new form of disgust.

“You’re getting pretty familiar there for a simple forest spirit, Ki. Know your place!”

He growled out the last bit but Ki didn’t seem to mind, waving his anger away. “Oh please Madara. You no longer scare me. I am not the sensitive sprout Reiko met in the forest all that time ago.”

As if to emphasize her point, the trees rustled and let a tense wind ride through, giving Ki an illusionistic feel, like she was there but wasn’t really, and it made Natsume shudder. She seemed to notice and stopped, the forest settling once more.

“But you are right, I overstepped my boundaries. Forgive me Natsume. For now, you should leave the forest. It is not as evil as when Reiko rampaged through here but that doesn’t mean her grandson should be rushing through it, half-spent.”

She gave Natsume a meaningful look and smiled when he let another blush attack his cheeks.

Then, she led them out of the forest without another word.

  
That night, Natsume dreamed of watching flowers to a song a woman sang and holding onto hands that looked like leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and feedback most welcome.
> 
> Not sure where I am going but it will be somewhere.
> 
> Ideas are welcome.
> 
> Just run away with the imagination, I love it.


	2. Remembering A Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ki, for her part, didn’t like accusations that went without support. But something in Madara’s voice got her and she raised an eyebrow, walking from her tree to stand a few inches closer, noting his teeth that got into range. “What are you implying Madara? I know I have been awake for a few days now but I’ve only met you a few hours ago. Surely, I couldn’t have done something in that amount of time?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting better with the timing and with the plot. 
> 
> Actual ideas on the page.
> 
> Sorry the first chapter was literally just a character intro but it was worth it.

**CHAPTER TWO:** **REMEMBERING A PROMISE**

 

 

_The boy woke up, wearily wiping his eyes as he yawned and stretched gently, tiny arms and legs reaching out for air. He was lying on his stomach and when he looked down, he saw the man underneath him. A word popped into the sleepy boy’s head: Dad._

_The boy smiled. His Dad had always been one to sleep and, more often than not, he would have the boy on top of him so that he could rest and still be close enough for the boy to sleep too. They enjoyed lots of naps together, on the days his Dad didn’t leave. But, even when he did, the boy never worried. His Dad always had others come and watch him and he would be back soon enough, squeezing the life out of the boy and whispering secrets in the form of kisses all over his head and hair._

_The boy sighed contently and laid his head to hear his Dad’s breathing. Slightly ragged but still soft, his Dad rarely rumbled from his nose, something that always made the boy laugh on the few occasions it happened. But now, even listening to the soft thump of his Dad’s heart, the boy got restless, the final threads of sleep leaving him. He sat up and slid off his Dad’s stomach, trying his hardest not to wake him. Because he knew, if he woke his Dad then he would simply be forced into another hug and a soft, but always tired, smile would be on his Dad’s face. It made the boy feel weird in his heart so he tried to avoid it. Once he slid off, he looked around, trying to find the toys he was so fond of._

_The open door caught his attention._

_The boy wasn’t allowed outside much. In their backyard, flowers grew and the boy had been told by Dad that “Mom” had planted them for him. He wasn’t sure why but the flowers were nice and the colors soothed him. Yellow with tints of red and orange._

_But he wasn’t allowed outside because there was a gap between his floor and the outside. The boy didn’t know why it was there but the gap was as tall as he was and he couldn’t get down or up without his Dad helping him. The first and last time he had tried, the boy had gotten hurt and had avoided the gap altogether. But now, with his Dad asleep and the door open, the boy didn’t think about it. He ran for the exit, feeling a nice breeze as he made it through the door and ran straight off the edge and into the air._

_The thought of flying for a bit was enough to make the boy giggle. He spread his body out and just looked at the flowers, trying to vision going past them and into the air. Everything seemed to flow in slow motion until gravity started to pull at the pudgy human in the air. But before it could get him to the ground, the boy felt a firm grip on both his sides and wondered if his Dad had caught him. He was reliable like that._

_The dream began to fade into the colors of the flowers._

_Yellow with hints of red and orange._

_It felt safe and soft and Natsume couldn’t remember the last time these two feelings had accompanied him to sleep._

_A voice, so quiet it didn’t seem real reached out, as if trying to pull him back, like the memory had more to tell without really having the time to to tell it._

_“What a curious child.”_

_“Takashi.”_

 

Natsume woke up, his eyes opening slowly as a breath escaped relaxed lips. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, peaceful in the quiet morning. Nyanko-sensei was sleeping by his head but didn’t move as Natsume shifted. He stood and walked to his window, opening it and letting a soft breeze that reminded him of the dream in.

He sighed and went to his closet, digging through his things until he found it. A small seed, nothing special, sat is his palm and he played with it. Somehow, it reminded him of the dream and Natsume had a inkling that something had happened and this seed was a part of it. All throughout the moves, Natsume had found the seed, packed it away and made sure to hold onto it, even when he couldn’t quite place why. He never thought to throw it away and never felt it should be planted, knowing he was moving anyways.

But the seed had been something of a charm for him. He had held it when he was most down, clutching the seed and crying and it had made him calm and gave him strength to hang on though he never understood why.

Now, with the dream and the new youkai who knew his grandmother, Natsume found the seed giving him more than good feelings. It made him gain a new hole in his stomach, like it was warning of something. He moved back to the window and stared again, the seed in hand.

The sun wasn’t out yet and bits of dozens of stars still decorated the sky. Natsume duly noted that he should probably go back to sleep but he denied his eyes that much. He sighed and looked out, noting the forest that had never meant much to him in the distance. The voice played back in his head as he committed it to memory, along with the small bout of reminiscence.

_‘Takashi.’_

Natsume knew the voice now that he was awake and thinking.

It was a voice that he had known for less than a whole day.

It was a voice that he had remembered instantly.

And he was determined to know why.

 

Nyanko-sensei watched Natsume through slitted eyes, trying not to give the child a reason to pretend he wasn’t scheming. He had rummaged and found something - too little for Nyanko-sensei to see - and moved back to the window, staring mindlessly. He could see the gears turning in the boy’s head and he didn’t blame him after the dream he had. And even though Nyanko-sensei had only seen bits and pieces of it, he also recognized the voice at the end. And he had a sneaking suspicion there was more to the dream than the gentle mood had led on.

So, when Natsume finally went back to sleep for a while longer, Nyanko-sensei stood, jumping out the window and transforming before flying off towards the same forest Natsume had been looking at before.

 

Ki watched the sunrise, waiting as the trees of the forest woke for the day. After fifteen years of sleep, the last thing she wanted to do was sleep. And since her powers diminished with her rest, she had realized that her domain was simply a small bubble around her shrine. It hit her pride and since then, she had been spreading her domain once again, gathering the whole forest in a protective and comfortable bubble. So, when the giant wolf entered, she simply waited, noting both the anger and impatience in the aura but not letting it get to her and the trees.

If it had been urgent, Madara would have simply razed the forest.

She waited at the center of the forest where, much larger and older than the rest, a rare oak tree sat. She loved the spot and it held her being and shrine, the place where both youkai and human alike came to worship. Now, it was a bit lonely as only a few youkai would still come but she didn’t mind. She had enough energy from the trees themselves and, luckily for her, humans would never stop worshiping trees, even if it was just a thanks for being their tools. She remembered this fact as she leaned against it, facing the direction where Madara was coming from. In a few minutes, he was close enough to know that his bad mood was thanks to her. Not the first though she wondered what she had managed to do this time.

Madara dropped in front of her and gave a low and deliberate growl, like he expected her to squirm. But she held together, her eyes cool and warning as they faced off.

“Madara.”

The wolf stood tall and scoffed, “Yes, yes. I am good. Too bad your trick didn’t work. I told you not to overstep your bounds, Ki.”

Ki, for her part, didn’t like accusations that went without support. But something in Madara’s voice got her and she raised an eyebrow, walking from her tree to stand a few inches closer, noting his teeth that got into range. “What are you implying Madara? I know I have been awake for a few days now but I’ve only met you a few hours ago. Surely, I couldn’t have done something in that amount of time?”

Madara bared his fangs and sniffed, taking in the same scent he had smelt on Natsume earlier.

“You’ve marked Natsume haven’t you? Giving him dreams so that he would visit you again. It is not the first and it won’t be the last but I do not enjoy being made a fool of.”

“And I do not enjoy being accused of something so ridiculous. I don’t even eat humans Madara and, I know I have been sleeping for a while, but I would think you should at least remember that much. I couldn’t do anything to Reiko and it hasn’t changed for her grandson.”

The silence that followed was poisonous. Madara glaring in disbelief and Ki staring in complete anger, they both stood their ground until the trees noticed the fight.

_‘What happened?’_

_‘Ah, it is Madara right? But…’_

_‘Where is Natsume?’_

_‘Sleeping, it is still early for humans, remember.’_

_‘But… what if something has happened?’_

_‘It is right. Madara would not leave otherwise.’_

_‘Maybe the child is cold again?’_

_‘Or coughing.’_

_‘Or hot, like he gets sometimes!’_

Soon, the whole forest was rustling, the trees raising their voices to Ki and Madara to try to figure out what was happening. It gave a sound equivalent to a major wind being blown through the forest and Madara growled, instantly annoyed.

_‘Shut it trees! Nothing is wrong with the brat!’_

The trees quieted at that but the tension told they wanted to talk more. Instead, Ki spoke, taking in their feelings and trying to understand why they were so interested in the boy.

“Madara, what is it that you are accusing me of? I have neither marked nor cursed Natsume so I don’t see the point in you coming here.”

Madara was quiet for a moment. Then, either deciding Ki was telling the truth or just too annoyed to care, he dropped his true form and changed back into the skin of the lucky calico cat he had been sealed in. Ki said nothing, even when Madara climbed a tree so that he could be taller than her, chalking it up to his ego and pride.

He sighed, “The brat had a dream last night. It was when he was smaller, at least around one or two. It was surreal, even had his father in there. But it was also uncharacteristically mellow. Natsume’s dreams - or more memories - are never calm like this one and I didn’t like it. And somewhere in that dream, your voice called out to him. I-”

He stopped once he saw the shock on the spirit’s face. Her eyes widened and she was amazed more than anything, like being told someone had done the impossible. He felt another growl rising but Ki held her hand up, trying to explain.

“It is not what you’re thinking. I mean, yes, if that is what you meant by marking, then that was my own. But not as a trick. That actually happened, when he was smaller. I had followed his family before returning and going to sleep in the mountain. It was the time before Shi had died and the responsibilities of the forest fell to me. It was still when my interest in humans outweighed my intention for power. He probably remembered from our meeting. But it was too long ago, I don’t know how he would…” Ki trailed off, her mind working through the scenarios.

Nyanko-sensei waited for a beat. He wanted to ask so much but simply knew Ki was looking for a way out. “What Ki?”

Ki looked up and seemed a bit nervous. “He probably still has it. That’s why he is remembering things. It is the only thing I can think of and since he is quite powerful… the link is probably there. Held firm by his feelings and his belief.” Her face blushed, her eyes turning to slits and showing the pleasure she obviously felt.

“How did he seem?”

Nyanko-sensei gave Ki a look. “What do you mean?”

Ki sighed and looked into the trees, as if she was steeling herself. “In the dream. Was he… scared? Angry? Sad?”

Ki waited a moment, not daring to look at the youkai before he answered. Then a sigh from her counterpart was let out, slow and deliberate.

“It was peaceful. Unlike any of his memories so far. He seemed genuinely happy as he remembered it.”

Ki breathed and felt a burst of joy.

‘He must have kept it.’ she thought. ‘And it actually helped. I am so glad. That promise from so long ago didn’t fade. It actually gave him what he needed.’

But Nyanko-sensei wasn’t done.

“Oi Ki! What did you give the brat!”

“He-”

But Ki stopped and grabbed her stomach, a small gasp of pain breaking off her words. Nyanko-sensei instantly snapped to attention, noting the aura that was rising somewhere near the forest entrance. Ki noticed too and swung around, the joy replaced with horror and the beginning of threads of anger.

A small pillar of black smoke rose from the forest and Nyanko-sensei watched as Ki tensed and then began to shake as the trees started to scream.

_‘KI!’_

_‘The forest!’_

_‘The forest is…’_

“Burning.” Ki finished through gritted teeth.

A wind picked up through the forest and Nyanko-sensei watched in careful observation as Ki gathered her strength, noticing that her domain was being pushed back into the forest and a word spat from his mouth, his lips curling in disgust.

“Exorcists.”

Ki glanced at him and then reached out, using the trees as her eyes. She flinched as she realized some trees were no longer of use to her, sensing the talismans that went up on every trunk. The exorcists were working fast, setting up a barrier and base for their attack. It surrounded the burning area and Ki felt true and utter disgust as she recognized the aura that stood out.

“Matoba. That suicidal…”

Nyanko-sensei squinted, taking in the evil presence. “Yup. That shady guy is up to no good again.” He looked at Ki, noting the small beads of sweat. “He is probably here for you. A powerful forest guardian that has barely awakened is somewhat of an easy target and then, he can have dominion over the whole forest, instead of setting up his own stupid traps.”

He watched as her lips curled and sighed, “You shouldn’t confront him you know! He is powerful and you haven’t been awake for long. I don’t think you’ll last. Or you’ll just end up sleeping and becoming more of an easy target. It won’t end well.”

Ki seemed to think about it until three more pillars joined the first and her whole body felt the fires in her bones. Pure anger sparked from her form and the wind that rustled through the forest made the leaves scream in hatred. The trees screamed for justice and Nyanko-sensei knew Ki was going to satisfy them. She spat and the tattoo that had laid silent on her face began to squirm.

“That idiot is picking a fight he is not going to win.”

And then her aura spilled out, sending all the lower-level youkai running and even pulling at Nyanko-sensei to do the same. He let out a huff and looked at the direction of the presence, not backing down from the silent battle.

Matoba was indeed an idiot but Ki also had the stupidity to try and fight him. And not just him but also a full clan of exorcists. But as he felt her power and her resolve, he could only remember why people still worshiped trees, though they seemed too many and too little in importance.

Youkai and humans alike knew of the wrath of a forest guardian.

And Matoba was about to be reminded of that fact.

The Ki roared.

 

Natsume, who had been sleeping, woke with a start as pure hatred stabbed into his head.

_‘Pitiful humans!’_

_‘Burning! Burning!’_

_‘It hurts!’_

_‘Help, please. Please!’_

_Hatred. Why must humans be like this!’_

_‘It hurts!!’_

_Pitiful humans!_

_Kill them!_

_Kill!_

_Hate!_

_Hurts!_

_KI._

 

Natsume gasped, trying his hardest to force the words down and out. He stumbled to the window and saw pillars of smoke rising from the forest. He squeaked and looked around, noticing that Nyanko-sensei was gone but no note told him he was off drinking again.

“Where is that stupid cat in a time like this!?”

Natsume threw himself around the room and got dressed, quiet enough not to wake the Fujiwaras but still quick enough to be out the window in five minutes. He jumped down, not listening to the screaming in his head and feeling a little giddy from his previous dream. It did feel like he was flying for a bit and - he wasn’t going to lie - it felt good.

But as soon as his feet hit the ground, he moved to the forest, a clog forming in his throat. People would begin to wonder what was happening and might try to get into the trees, where they were anything but safe. Maybe even Sensei was in there, getting too drunk to move and getting caught in the fires. Many youkai he had befriended also were in the forest and they flashed as he hurried there.

Tanuma was in the forest and with that Natsume broke out into a run.

Ki was in the forest. Natsume went faster.

Unknownst to him, tucked inside his bag and attached to the Book of Friends, the small seed had begun to heat up, the blue glow going unnoticed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and feedback are welcome. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it and yes, my tagging sucks.
> 
> I will figure it out.


	3. A War Not Waged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ki stepped back in shock, barely noticing Natsume for the first time. But then her anger sparked again, her hatred focused on the child before her.
> 
> “Finished!? Child, you may not realize but this exorcist will never be finished. He will come again and again! He burned my forest! And you want me to stop!? Do you not realize what he has done!”
> 
> She almost spat out the words, willing the boy to wither in fear. No matter the anger she held, she didn’t want innocent blood shed. Especially if it was Natsume’s. But the boy stood firm, his eyes never leaving Ki’s.
> 
> “I understand! I know that Matoba-san’s actions cannot be forgiven! I know but still! I don’t want to see you kill! Especially someone like Matoba-san! It won’t get rid of the problem! More exorcists will come and nothing will end! He isn’t worth it!”

**CHAPTER THREE:** **A WAR NOT WAGED**

 

 

Matoba knew how to deal with youkai.

He had, without a shred of a doubt, heard and even seen the youkai that had finally awakened in the forest. It was a guardian and even with sleeping for years, its aura still kept relative peace within the forest. He was amazed. But now, awake and needing a good stretch, it allowed itself to be strained as it captured the whole forest in its domain. A bad mistake since it was just what Matoba was hoping for. The foxfire now burning the forest was more than enough to catch its attention and once it tried to confront the exorcist, it's fate would be sealed.

In a small, mobile and very breakable jar.

Now, it was a matter of wait-

Matoba felt it.

It was pure and strong hatred.

He smiled, noticing how the malice affected some of his shiki. They squirmed and some even ran and as he watched, even the foxfire began to dim a little. He snapped and they blazed back up but now he realized that the guardian might be more of a challenge than he had first thought. He turned to Nanase and she bowed, barking orders for the shiki to begin to move through the forest, encasing the whole area in a barrier. Matoba turned and looked to where, just barely, he could make out the auras of two youkai and belatedly wondered who was with the guardian. Though it made no matter.

Matoba knew just how to deal with youkai.

 

It only took a matter of minutes.

Once Natsume got to the edge of the forest, he stopped and noticed that the people who were up and about paid no attention to the burning forest, not even glancing at the rising pillars in the sky. It made him think youkai were involved but he didn’t linger, looking around to make sure no one would follow before plunging into the forest, heading towards one of the pillars, higher than the rest.

He tore through the trees, barely dodging and staying on his feet as he ran. The light of a clearing appeared before him and he went straight for it, not minding to slow down at all..

He ran through, trees dropping from either side, and almost ran straight into the last man he had wanted to see.

Matoba Seiji.

Natsume stopped haphazardly and Matoba gave him a look, shock forming into mild curiosity and slight annoyance. “Well, well, if it isn’t Takashi-kun. Though… maybe not in the best of circumstances, I’d say you have perfect timing.”

Natsume glared, giving a foot more distance between him and the exorcist.

“What are you doing here Matoba-san?”

Matoba just smirked at him and he looked around, taking in the scene before him. The creepy shadows that made up Matoba’s shiki were slinking around, most of them surrounding a burning tree. Blue flames danced across the bark and Natsume felt - _knew_ \- the flames weren’t normal. Matoba followed his gaze and his smile grew wider.

“Fox fires. Very effective in burning down a youkai’s domain without getting meddling humans involved. At least, most meddling humans. And I am here in search of a youkai if it wasn’t obvious enough. A certain forest guardian has just awakened and from what I have heard, it is quite powerful. I am hear to capture it or, if not that, kill it.”

Natsume scowled at the man but didn’t move, noticing Nanase-san come up behind Matoba. He thought of Ki and bit his bottom lip, knowing he couldn’t well stop Matoba, especially without Nyanko-sensei with him.

Where was that stupid cat!?

He opened his mouth to speak but then, a roar sounded throughout the forest. It made Natsume shake, his body struggling against the desire to run. All around then, youkai scattered and Natsume noticed that even Matoba’s shiki and the fox fires danced dangerously low. He turned in frustration, clicking his tongue and raising a hand to deal with them. Natsume watched him when he gasped, seeing the shadow fall on him.

It took a single second.

Matoba noticed too but Nanase-san was faster, pulling him away from the falling monster just in time. Natsume yelped and was thrown back from the force of the impact, knocking into a tree a few feet away. He instantly scrambled to stand, seeing Nanase-san and Matoba do the same across the clearing. His shiki ran to their master and the fox fires all but diminished.

In the middle of the clearing, crouched inside a newly formed crater was Ki, a staff held in her right hand. She stood and turned towards the exorcist, completely ignoring Natsume. Matoba stood and sized her up, a disgustedly satisfied look on his face. Ki scowled at him back, lifting her staff and hitting it against the floor. Without warning, vines broke through the earth and grabbed at the shiki closest to the fox fires, strangling them until nothing was left. Then, the vines wrapped around the fix fire, snuffing it out and licking at the damaged tree, trying to heal the hollow trunk.

Matoba watched this with interest, turning back to the youkai with a look of pure excitement.

“What power. And to think someone said it was useless!” He glanced at Nanase at this, who simply glared and turned her attention to the monster. Matoba laughed and watched her, his lips curling slightly. Ki, held her staff up again, pointing it straight at Matoba, the only warning.

“Matoba Seiji. And hear I thought you were smarter than this. Do you have a death wish?”

Matoba seemed confused, not sure how the youkai knew his name. No matter. It wasn’t like his name and clan wasn’t known throughout the youkai world. Probably just picked it up from something… or someone. He glanced at Natsume at this though the boy paid him no heed. He was watching the youkai with a new found fear and worry, his bodyguard clutched in his hands.

_‘When did he come?’_

Matoba sighed and turned his attention back. “I highly doubt you’re able to kill me forest guardian. Many have tried and even knowing my name, you have little power. I would gladly give you my life but I think it will end with our roles reversed.”

Ki growled at this, the grip on her staff tightening. “Don’t worry exorcist. I will not fail as the one before me. Instead of leaving a whole eye, I will make sure to take all of your heart from the lifeless body, lest you try something else.”

And with that, Matoba snapped, the air around the area vibrating.

Natsume gasped, noticing as a hidden magic circle glowed to life, the wind picking up and around Ki, whipping her hair about. Matoba began chanting and threads seeped out of the ground, hands grabbing at Ki and squeezing her body. Natsume stepped up but Nyanko-sensei stopped him, hissing a warning.

“You can’t help right now. You are going to get hurt. That Matoba is serious and that magic is nothing to scoff at.”

Natsume didn’t want to listen but it seemed that Ki didn’t even need his help. Without blinking, she swung her staff over her head and hit the ground again. Vines, bigger than before, broke from the trees - Natsume jumping sideways to avoid them and Matoba cursing but doing the same on the other side - and grabbed at the hands, tearing them off Ki and breaking both the magic circle and Matoba’s concentration.

Ki whistled and the vines whipped around, moving straight at Matoba, ready to strike.

Nanase-san leapt in at the last second, the vines tangling around her for a second before she was tossed to the side, thrown into Matoba’s shiki that were running to their master’s rescue.

Matoba was distracted for that split second and Ki took full advantage of it, jumping forward and grabbing his neck, lifting the exorcist into the air with unknown strength. Ki’s eyes were wide and slits, glaring openly at the man before him. Matoba grimaced, trying to stay still as he grabbed her hand, his own unable to pry himself away. She constricted his throat and he choked, the air not reaching his lungs and his vision blurring for a second.

A fear that Matoba had not known in years entered him then as he stared into the eyes of his death. Ki glowered but never released him.

“This is why I hate exorcists. Did you really think you could beat every single monster you came across? Did you really think you could take on me!?”

She snarled the last word and tightened her grip, getting a small noise from Matoba. She raised her staff, ready to strike, when something slammed right into her back.

Ki stumbled forward and instantly released her grip, sending Matoba tumbling to the ground, his hands holding his throat as he choked and coughed. He looked up and saw that Natsume had ran from the edge of the clearing and now stood in front of him, his arms spread out and his body rigid with determination.

“Ki! Stop it! He’s already down! He’s finished! So stop! Please!”

Ki stepped back in shock, barely noticing Natsume for the first time. But then her anger sparked again, her hatred focused on the child before her.

“Finished!? Child, you may not realize but this exorcist will never be finished. He will come again and again! He burned my forest! And you want me to stop!? Do you not realize what he has done!”

She almost spat out the words, willing the boy to wither in fear. No matter the anger she held, she didn’t want innocent blood shed. Especially if it was Natsume’s. But the boy stood firm, his eyes never leaving Ki’s.

“I understand! I know that Matoba-san’s actions cannot be forgiven! I know but still! I don’t want to see you kill! Especially someone like Matoba-san! It won’t get rid of the problem! More exorcists will come and nothing will end! He isn’t worth it!”

Natsume grabbed her arms and felt a slight burning, the sign that she was turning evil. A rush of memories invaded him too and his head was knocked back with the force. He gasped in pain and Ki pushed him away, stepping back to put distance between them. She looked from his hands to her own, biting back the knot in her stomach.

Behind Natsume, Nanase gathered up Matoba and whistled, gaining the attention of everyone. Shiki moved through the forest, their retreating steps resounding through the forest. Nanase glared but focused on Natsume, a silent thank-you on her lips. Matoba was heaving, his hand still rubbing his throat. Natsume watched as they disappeared without a word though he did note that Matoba looked angry. Super angry.

He wondered at who.

The forest grew quiet after that, Natsume and Ki silently fighting still. Nyanko-sensei walked up, coming from where Natsume had abandoned him and bit the boy, causing him to yelp.

“W-what a that for!?”

Nyanko-sensei pointed at him, angry. “For abandoning me! How dare you just throw me aside and run into danger! You’re going to get yourself killed! Did you ever think about that!? Ki could have done it, blinded by anger as she was!” He turned to Ki, giving her a deadly glare, “And you should know better Ki! Think before you let the taint get to you! Do you want to become an evil spirit!?”

Ki sighed and turned away, her staff swinging to rest on her back. She turned back and gave both of them one more look before walking away.

“Leave me . I don’t want to even look at humans right now.”

And with that she disappeared into the forest, leaving Natsume with more questions than answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got a little rough but still happy. 
> 
> NAtsume to the rescue though he almost died himself. Haha. 
> 
> Matoba got beat down since I was wondering about that. He isn't all-powerful - the eye obvious in that respect - and I felt he needed to turn it down a notch so yeah... It ended like this. 
> 
> Comments and feedback are welcome as always!


	4. The Worth of A Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That night Natsume dreamed.

**CHAPTER FOUR:** **THE WORTH OF A DREAM**

 

 

Natsume followed after Ki, his mind made up, even as Nyanko-sensei screamed in his arms.

“Are you seriously going after her Natsume!? She’s gonna kill you! If you should avoid anything, it would be the wrath of a forest guardian! Are you even listening to me!?”

Natsume simply rubbed the cat’s head, dissolving his complaints into purrs. “Calm down Sensei. I simply want to figure something out. And I am to blame for this. Ki’s anger is because I stopped her and I have to calm her down before she becomes an evil spirit.”

Nyanko-sensei sighed and became quiet, watching as Natsume navigated through the forest, trying to find the guardian. After minutes of wild wandering he grumbled something along the lines of “Follow me stupid brat, gonna be here forever” and dropped to the floor to lead the way. Natsume smiled and followed silently, silently thankful for the youkai.

Within minutes, they were at the giant tree where Ki sat underneath, her body relaxed against the trunk. She let out a sigh and stood stiffly, glaring at the pair.

“I am pretty sure I told you two to leave.”

It was a warning though Natsume didn’t back down, simply scooping up his cat and moving closer. Ki watched with tired eyes, as if she couldn’t care less, her body simply slumping and resigning to the boy.

“I am sorry for bothering you more. I just wanted to apologize for earlier.”

She sighed and deadpanned, “And why would you need to apologize?”

Natsume blinked, “I am the reason you are angry right?

Ki scowled, “How did you even figure that?”

Natsume opened his mouth but nothing came out. It was surprising. He was usually the reason for all the problems surrounding both youkai and human and he couldn’t see any difference this time around. He tried to hide his confusion.

“I stopped you from killing the exorcist. Aren’t you angry at me for that?”

Ki growled though shook her head, “I was angry yes but you had a point. There will always be the Matoba clan. It was fruitless to try to kill Seiji. I am not angry at you for stopping me from making a mistake Natsume.”

“Then, are you angry at me for interfering with your work? You were protecting the forest right?”

Ki tilted her head, “Yes and no. I was clouded by my desire for revenge. You just broke me out of that. I am not angry about that. I probably would have been killed and the forest would have been destroyed anyways.”

Nyanko-sensei struggled in Natsume’s grip. “See? Even Ki said she isn’t angry with you! Now let’s go home! No need to stay here, plus the Fujiwaras are going to worry right?”

Natsume started as he remembered. He snuck out of the house. He gave Ki a look and she simply gestured for him to leave, falling back against the trunk.

“Go Natsume. Your foster parents will worry. I am not angry and you have nothing to worry about. It is fine.”

Natsume nodded but promised to return, his face telling Ki he was neither convinced or finished with the subject. He walked a few feet before turning and giving her one last look. Then he disappeared.

Ki sighed and waited, feeling as the boy left the forest and moved beyond her domain, probably back to the “Fujiwaras”. She then took a breath and stood, feeling the blight take its toll on her, though it was manageable. She walked around the back of the oak and away, heading to a small clearing behind the tree.

Once in the clearing, she took in the sight that had become so familiar over the years.

The clearing was filled with flowers, some budding, some in blooms and others losing leaves to the weather. A small wind picked up through the clearing and left the petals dancing, filling the air with a warmth Ki needed. She sighed contently and walked to the middle, where a small shrine stood, covered in ivy. She removed the plants and sat next to it, closing her eyes and simply resting in the place. After a moment of silence, she opened her eyes and took in the sky, noting the small clouds. She sighed and let herself fall back, causing a small storm of flowers to rise up around her. She stared as they gently fell back down.

What am I doing?”

She sighed again and laid an arm over her eyes, feeling the loneliness creep back up.

“Shi.”

 

Natsume spent the day normally enough.

He barely remembered breakfast, eating slowly until he was almost late for school. He knew the Fujiwaras were probably worried even if they didn’t catch his escape that morning. But Touko-san still greeted him and sent him off with Shigeru-san’s silent presence always there. He was grateful for that.

School went by fast. Nishimura and Kitamoto were as energetic as always and Sasada still tried to pry at his secrets. He laughed and deflected, sharing special moments with both Tanuma and Taki. Even after class, he enjoyed the time with his friends, all of them going out and simply having fun. He went home and enjoyed dinner with the Fujiwaras and a bath with Sensei before laying down for bed. Then the thought came to him.

“Sensei?”

Nyanko-sensei opened one eye, watching as Natsume delayed in turning off the lights. “What is it Natsume? Still thinking about Ki?”

Natsume smiled and nodded, turning off the lights and snuggling into bed. Nyanko-sensei sighed and sat next to his head, a purr rising from his throat.

“Don’t. She is fine and, looking at the damage she did to that creep Matoba, no one should be going near her for a while.”

Natsume nodded but his face told the youkai the boy wasn’t convinced. He closed his eyes and moved closer, pushing his body in Natsume’s face.

“Sleep idiot. No use in worrying about things unnecessarily. If you’re still going on about it in the morning, we can just go see the weakling then.”

Natsume laughed and snuggled into his fur before turning on his back. “Thank you Sensei.”

“It’s creepy when you’re sincere.”

“Yeah yeah, good night Sensei.”

Natsume closed his eyes and the cat listened as his breathing slowed and evened out. He sighed and settled himself, thinking that he had quite a human.

“Good night Natsume.”

 

That night Natsume dreamed.

 

_A woman, belly slightly bulging, sat in a rocker in front of a garden, slowly rocking herself back and forth. The sun barely touched the house, a hue of purple telling it was early in the morning. A tray with tea and a bottle of pills sat next to her, steam slowly rising from the cup. She was humming a tune not known and smiling so gently._

_“Still alive then?”_

_The woman turned and broke out into a smirking grin, giving the youkai a look._

_“Wow, look at that, I guess even youkai grow up sometimes.”_

_The youkai gave the woman a wry smile and shook her head._

_“So do humans, it seems.”_

_The two looked at one another until the woman simply sighed and rubbed her belly, a nervous habit she had developed over the months._

_“It’s gonna be a girl, you know… What do you think?”_

_The youkai tilted its head, in question. The woman simply smiled and looked out into the garden, seeing something there that no one else could._

_“I wonder if this child will be normal… Or maybe just as freaky as her parents.”_

_The youkai narrowed its eyes but said nothing. The woman sighed and then glared hard at it, as if deciding something. Then she nodded and raised her hand, beckoning it over. The youkai gave her a wary look, the eyes going from the hand to the bat she still held on to, whacking the youkai who still dared to visit her._

_She grunted and waved again and the youkai gave in, walking to the older human and kneeling down. The woman smiled at this and simply took the youkai hand and placed it gently on her stomach. The youkai gasped and tried to move away but the woman simply hit her softly with her other hand and the two relaxed._

_After a moment, the woman spoke._

_“You can tell how things will grow right? I’ve seen you do it with some of the plants. Can you do the same thing with humans?”_

_The youkai was silent for a moment. The woman had never asked for her assistance, simply taking her name and then leaving for another expedition. The youkai had just stubbornly refused to let the woman leave, following her and bothering her until she grudgingly called out to her again. Even after that, the woman had barely talked to her, simply switching greetings now and again._

_But now, she looked nervous and shy and_ scared _._

_The woman before her was barely that, only just competing with the other humans. She still had the look of her teenage years and the only difference was the gray hairs peppering her waves, the wrinkles giving away her stress and the soft mound of her stomach. But she didn’t look sad and weakened, taking on a look of a proud mother already. The youkai knew she didn’t regret - the woman never had and never would - but she knew that the woman feared nevertheless. The child would have a hard future, something the woman had no control over._

_It was a look that didn’t match the woman._

_The youkai simply sighed and rubbed the woman’s stomach feeling the life protected within. She settled for a spot just on top of the stomach, allowing a smile to fall on her lips._

_“I wouldn’t worry too much. The child takes on more of her father than you. She will grow and be gentle and kind, so different from you.” A scoff from above told her the woman was already relaxing. She added, “I don’t even think she will steal a single name for you. Too bad, the book was almost filled.”_

_The woman hummed, “Good thing then. I’ve already hidden it.”_

_The youkai frowned at that. “And why? It is not like you cannot defend. Simply command all in the book to not seek revenge or search for it.”_

_Another scoff, “There are plenty out there that I haven’t gotten names from though.”_

_The woman had a point. The youkai thought of a certain wolf but said nothing. Instead she simply rubbed the stomach again, feeling the little soul within. It is strong, saying the child will be healthy. But, as she touched, she felt another soul._

_“Hey.”_

_“What?”_

_“Are you really going through with this?”_

_The woman looked down and the youkai looked up, their eyes connecting for a moment. Then the woman simply sighed and brushes the youkai’s hand away, gently but also firm. The youkai simply at back, giving the woman room. A silence enveloped them, comfortable but ready to break. The question hung in the air._

_“I want to.”_

_And there it was. The youkai sighed and shook her head. The woman never regretted any of her decisions and the silent resolved told her it was the same now._

_“Well, then I guess I have no choice.”_

_The youkai stood and walked up, the distance nonexistent between the two. The woman didn’t flinch; she knew the youkai already._

_“What?”_

_Wordlessly, the youkai took one of the earrings from her left ear and held it out, the small seed hanging in front of the woman. The woman smirked, teasing._

_“What, gonna make me reap what I sow?”_

_The pun wasn't the least funny but the youkai rolled her eyes and gave her a smile anyways. “Take it.”_

_The woman gently takes the seed and its glows blue, overflowing like water over her hand and down her arm. Then it fades and the woman opens her hand to find the seed turned into a necklace, green vines as the chain and a small chrysanthemum, not yet fully bloomed. The woman blinked for a moment before looking back at her, her mouth opened in shock. The youkai smiled._

_“It seems your seed of hope is doing just fine.”_

_“Reiko.”_

 

_The dream changed._

 

_A woman, a bit older with darker features sat in a small house, no longer in a rocking chair but on the porch, looking out on a garden barely started, the sprouts popping through the dirt. She hummed out of tune but didn’t seem to mind._

_“I can’t wait for you to see the garden. It is going to be so beautiful. I picked really nice flowers. Your grandmother really liked them too.”_

_The woman laughed a little though it was tinged with sorrow. She sighed and rubbed her stomach._

_The youkai stood in the garden, watching the mother-to-be silently. Every now and then, the woman’s eyes would glance over her but they never focused. The youkai always felt a pang of something it wasn’t used to but it still watched, wanting to make sure of something._

_In the woman’s hair sat a flower in full bloom, the hair clip lazily taking up a fourth of her head._

_“I wonder if you’ll be like your grandma.”’_

_The youkai stared teh woman down, trying to understand what she was saying. The woman continued, not knowing she had an audience._

_“She was real strong, your grandmother. She didn’t care for anyone’s opinion, even when she was called a witch for most of her childhood. Even after, people still avoided her. I remember the bullying.” The woman sighed, the anger apparent but masked a little by the sorrow. “She was probably so traumatized that she couldn’t trust anyone anymore. At least until Dad came along.” A little joy came in then and she continued on a lighter note. “But still, it would be wonderful if you got some of her courage. Just… maybe you could be a little more trusting little one. It is a big world out there and I just know you’ll find the good people. You just have to have a little hope and a lot of seeds.” The woman laughed at this, remembering something. “Your grandmother told me that a lot. Said it was something a very annoying person told her all the time. To tell you the truth, I think it was her friend, even if she never admitted it. Your grandmother was like that.”_

_The youkai felt a warmth long forgotten. She choked, seeing the joy on the woman’s face as she rubbed and talked to her child. It was something wonderful. Tears welled in the youkai’s eyes and the dream began to fade as she spoke._

_“It seems your seed grew into a beautiful flower.”_

_“Reiko.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed.
> 
> I will be posting more promise.
> 
> Comments and feedbacks are most welcome!


	5. An Kinda Explanation Of Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsume had woke up crying that night.

**CHAPTER FIVE:** **A KINDA EXPLANATION OF THINGS**

 

 

 

Ki woke from her memories and realized with a groan that she had laid next to the grave the whole time, her body lazily wrapped around it. She sighed and sat up, looking around and finding a peace in the forest. The events from the other day filtered through but the emotions simply faded away, no longer holding much importance as she thought back.

A disturbance in her domain told her she had guests.

The smell of wolf told her who it was.

Ki groaned.

 

Natsume walked through the forest, this time with purpose. Nyanko-sensei waddled behind him, unusually quiet. But he didn’t care. After the string of dreams from the night before, Natsume wanted answers more than ever and he knew he wasn’t going to get them waiting. So he walked on, his feet finding the way to the giant oak Ki hung around all the time.

He found it without incident and smiled. Waiting for him and leaning against the bark, Ki half-heartedly glared at him.

“I am pretty sure most humans would get bored by now. And I am almost positive Madara isn’t all that happy about coming back.”

The cat growled and jumped into Natsume’s arms, digging himself into the human’s embrace. “Shut up, Ki! You’re the one sharing memories.”

Ki’s glared intensified at that. “You shouldn’t have touched me then. It was simply that. And it shouldn’t matter. It was in the past. Nothing more. Now leave.”

Natsume simply shook his head and dug around in his bag, feeling again the heat from the Book. He moved past it and grabbed on the small sphere and pulled it out. He held it out to Ki, who glanced at it before tensing, like she expected him to chuck it at her.

He smiled, “Can’t you tell me what all this is about?”

 

Natsume had woke up crying that night.

After the drams of both his grandmother and his mother, he had sat up and felt the tears come with a terrible weight of nostalgia and sorrow. Like mourning.

Natsume had taken a long time to calm down, taking in gulps of air as he tried to regain control of his eyes and pounding heart. Nyanko-sensei had woken up at some point and had just watched, making sure Natsume didn’t do anything reckless. Like hyperventilate.

After getting himself under control, he had went to his bag and grabbed the seed, knowing it was the one from the dreams. He then planned to go see Ki, even if he did miss school and tried to think of an excuse to tell the Fujiwaras and his friends. He hated lying but something told him that he had to go talk to Ki. He had then went back to sleep, fitful from excitement.

He didn’t have to worry too much.

At some point he had fallen back to sleep and when he woke up, it was to Touko replacing a cloth on his head and talking about going to the pharmacy to get the medicine that worked best. He felt the heat radiating from his body and knew that, if he moved, he would feel the ache and pain in his whole body. But that didn’t stop him. He dressed slowly and hid out until Touko left him to rest for the day, getting Nyanko-sensei to carry him up and out of his window, heading to the forest.

 

Even now, he could barely breathe normally and felt like the world was tilting, earning him a grunt from Nyanko-sensei and a concerned look from Ki. He just smiled and waved her concern off. It didn’t do much for the expression though she didn’t say anything on the subject.

He held out the seed again, “What is this exactly? You have one on your other ear and I saw you give this to Reiko-san in the dream. Is it significant?”

Ki thought for a second, studying the seed but not taking it. “It is something very good. I gave it to Reiko as more of a warning than anything though. She was giving her life for another. I wanted her to understand she didn’t hope wasn’t it vain but wasn’t too full of possibility either.”

Natsume shook his head, “But the dream was so sad. Like something that should have happened a different way. Why was that?”

Her face pinched and her smile fell into a grimace. “Not everything in dreams is sweet Natsume. Your grandmother was dying because she was having her child. She was literally _giving_ her life to another. Her daughter was her last moment in life, maybe her last act of defiance for a world that never treated her well.”

Natsume coughed and Ki gave him a look, “You shouldn’t be out.”

Natsume waved at her again, coughing again and swaying a bit. Ki almost spoke again but Natsume threw another question at her.

“Why did my mother have it? Did Reiko-san give it to her? Or maybe it was… “

He didn’t finish but Ki shook her head, frowning a little. “No, she wasn’t privy to the youkai around her, not even a little bit. The latent powers must have skipped a generation though even I am not sure why. Both parents were talented but… “She simply shook her head again. “Anyways, Reiko passed the seed down to her child, making sure she never parted from it. It was another necklace at first, more like a mood ring of sorts. The small flower would bloom fully when the child was happy; wilt when sad; stand eerily when angered.

Then, when she met your father, it turned into a shy waterlily hair clip and she wore it most of the time. When she was finally pregnant with you, it turned into a fully bloomed sunflower, happy and always in her hair. It was sweet, seeing your mother’s resolve and hope shape into something beautiful but alas… It didn’t last.”

Ki stopped for a moment and stared at the seed, her eyes glazed with thought and memories. Natsume felt a tug in his stomach but couldn’t tell if it was from Ki or his sickness. He moved to lean against the tree. The world swam again and he silently cursed his frail body. He crushed his eyes closed though kept going, not wanting to stop just yet.

“And what happened after that? What do you mean by ‘It didn’t last’?”

Ki watched him carefully, moving slightly closer to him. “Your mother was kind and blessed with a good man who looked past her family to find himself in love. But she knew the risks of having a child; it was same as her mother.” Ki bit her lip and looked away, not watching as Natsume’s eyes glazed from his fever.  

“She made the same mistake and she acted just like her mother.”

Natsume’s world swam again but this time, he couldn’t fix it. He groaned and dropped Nyanko-sensei, tipping until he hugged the tree, feeling his legs begin to shake from the effort. He gasped and tied to control himself, listening hard to Ki.

“She gave her life to another.”

She said something else but Natsume didn’t hear, his legs giving out and his vision blurring as he met the ground. But a gasp and someone had grabbed him, cradling him as his body went limp and he fell into unconsciousness. A single sentence swam as he fell asleep, repeating itself and contorting ugly into his nightmares, another shadow for him to face every night.

“She gave up her future for her child. She gave up herself for you, Takashi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, it s coming together though didn't realize it was going to be this long..,
> 
> Sorry?


	6. A Bit Of Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ki sighed, “What you felt and saw in the dream were simply the emotions leaking from the seed into me. It is connected that way. Your mother’s emotions were simply twisting and contorting into something ugly, as all things with humans do..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING?!?!?  
> So, this chapter does have talks about suicidal thoughts and a situation in which a character is thinking about it so I thought I would put in a warning here. It is just for like a paragraph but still.  
> You have been warned.
> 
> Also, sorry about being so late, I was being silly.

**CHAPTER SIX: A BIT OF PAIN**

 

 

 

_Soreness._

_Like an annoying bite, itchy but also stings._

_A constant dull ache in your back, in your feet, in literally every part of your body save the giant bulge of your stomach. But you sigh and are happy, since it is only two months; eight weeks._

_You know you can wait that long._

 

_Fear._

_The pain seems to having a field day with you._

_The pain keeps increasing and your body is now stuck in bed, sometimes hurting too much to move; to eat. You take deep breaths, sigh when your husband rubs your body - which is often - and try to focus on the good. The doctor said it was just pain from having the first kid, something that will past in a few weeks. There is only seven more, probably just premature contractions. You hold onto that hope and hold onto your mother’s flower hairclip, the sunflower looking slightly wilted but probably just from being squeezed in your hand instead of resting in your hair._

_You think you can survive. Hope maybe he’ll come early._

 

_Pain._

_It hurts. Bad._

_You scream and tug and pull and move and nothing will alleviate it. The doctor and your husband try to help with different things but you push them away; nothing is working. You cry too because it hurts. You cry because the baby is struggling and you can feel the small child trying to live but almost failing. You cry because, even with all the pain, a dull but persistent ache around your heart is making everything worse. You cry because all the fear of losing your child - losing yourself - is wrapping around the pain and pulsing throughout your body to the chant: FOUR WEEKS. Your sunflower clip, thrown in your pain, is definitely wilted and falling apart, as if an omen to your demise._

_You are no longer sure if you’ll live._

 

_Sorrow._

_Expect a miscarriage. Expect a stillbirth. Expect death._

_The doctor had been here with you for two weeks and slowly has been getting sadder. There will be a next time. Another baby. Just, maybe it was too soon? Give time and try again. Your tears no longer come though your husband seems to have enough for both of you. He is broken and you are broken and you realize that there probably won’t be a next time. This is and was your one and only. And you choke but don’t let it go too far. Crying always led to coughing and you didn’t want to be reminded of your own suffering right now._

_The pain is still there but now you live with it, like a reminder of your own failure. When it gets bad, your husband rubs your back gently, his hand impossibly cold and slightly shaking._

_You never ask him to stop._

_The sunflower clip has been moved, either by your husband or someone else, and you wonder why your mom gave it to you. You ask for it. Your husband gently presses it against your palm and you look at a small, unbudded chrysanthemum. You wonder if that is good or bad._

_Just two weeks and you might be holding the funeral for a child to young to even breathe._

_You know you won’t survive._

 

_Despair._

_One week._

_But it might be late._

_The pain is finally gone but it is replaced with a stillness that is much worse. A tiny heartbeat. A tiny heart. Too small for such a child. Too weak to be of use. Too little way too late._

_The tears come but you don’t seem to feel them. Your husband begs you to eat but you can’t. You won’t. The baby is worse and so are you and you don’t want to try anymore. It is too much and you quit, thinking that your baby can at least die while his mother is still with him._

_You hide in your room, a knife waiting patiently next to three pill bottles. The bathtub waits silently, filled to the brim. Pillows are laid and the bed is fixed to perfection. Your husband leaves and you slowly lift the pills, opening your mouth to swallow, to stop your child’s pain._

_But something stops you._

_You throw the bottle and watch as tiny white petals fly throughout the room, the noise ringing in the room. You take the knife and grip it with both hands, knowing exactly where to strike._

_Again, something stops you._

_You scream and stab, embedding the knife into the wood of the floor, the thunk again ringing in the room. Silence returns and you sit there, barely breathing._

_The tears come._

_You scream and yell and cry and fall onto the floor, still cradling the small essence inside of you. It is hard and hurts and you just can’t anymore. It is too much. Everything is too much. But you still haven’t lost faith. Still haven’t given up. Still haven’t totally lost that last seed of hope and it is killing you._

_Then, someone is rubbing your back, warm and solidly reassuring._

_Your hair clip appears in front of you, a waterlily, and slightly glows. You wonder if you’ve finally gone crazy._

_A whisper, more imagined than anything says:_

_“Just one more week.”_

 

Natsume woke up screaming.

His body felt like lead and instantly he panicked. Something inside him screamed, warning him to move; telling him something was wrong. His eyes screwed shut, as if afraid to open and be in that room, that house. He struggled against something wrapped around his whole body and cried when he couldn’t free himself.

Then, a hand moved to his head, the warmth stopping him for a second. It patted his head until Natsume’s body relaxed and his breathing evened out to small gasps. Then he opened his eyes, blinking his room into focus. It was darkened slightly though the his curtain couldn’t completely hide the setting sun.

A girl, with long hair resembling his own and his own school uniform hanging gently on her body, paused her hand, fingers slightly curled into his hair and gave him a weak smile.

“Are you awake now Takashi?”

He stared, “Who…?”

“Ki.” The girl replied, the same voice he had heard in his dreams rising from her throat. She removed her fingers from his hair and sat back, giving him a sad frown. “I am sorry. It seems because of me, you are having nightmares and have even gotten a fever. I brought you home - Madara showed me the way - and your foster parent let me in and went to fetch medicine. She will be back in a bit.” Ki moved, placing a cool towel on Natsume’s forehead, moving his bangs gently away.

Natsume tried to focus, his head murky with sleep and sickness, “Touko-san could see you?”

Ki smiled, revealing human teeth, “I have transformed into a human. It is an easy enough task. Though my eyes remain the same. I also made sure to copy your uniform. Your foster parent didn’t even ask, just thanked me and asked me to stay for tea once she returned.” Natsume recognized the different colors now that she had mentioned it, her eyes sparkling from the simplicity of Touko-san. He also began to slowly remember the past events, his dream trickling in broken pieces and fragments.

“I dreamt of before I was born. Of when my… mom was… pregnant?”

Ki nodded, the smile falling from her face. “Ah I see.” A moment passed before Ki looked away, a mask of remembered pain on her face. “That was a hard time.”

“She was in pain.” Natsume’s voice broke, the emotions from the dream breaking through his fatigue. He took a breath, trying hard not to break down. He could feel the pain his mother had, could sense the impending doom. His eyes blurred and he couldn’t hold back a horrible thought.

“She was in pain and it was because of me. I wasn’t even born yet and I was causing others pain. She should have gotten rid of me then.”

Ki was about to speak when a giant furball plopped on top of Natsume, causing the boy to gasp and cough. Nyanko-sensei waited until the boy had calmed down before giving him an exasperated glare.

“Natsume, you’re so dumb, it amazes me. Your mother knew exactly the trouble she would be in when she was pregnant with you. It was exactly the same way with Reiko. She was just too stubborn to save herself from the pain. She decided to have you the same way Reiko decided to have her. The stubbornness ran in the family.”

Ki smiled and took the cat off of Natsume, petting him gently in her lap. Natsume struggled and with the help of Ki, sat up, rubbing his stomach gently. Boy and cat glared at each other for a moment while Ki pressed a hand to Natsume’s forehead, feeling for fever. She smiled and placed the towel back into the tub.

“Madara is right, Takashi. Your mother was just stubborn. But also very hopeful. She wanted a child with a fierce hope that they would grow up to know a world more kind and gentle than the one her and her mother went through. She held onto this hope, even when she realized that her herself would not be able to witness it along with her child.” She gave him another smile, this time filled with pride. “It seems her hope did not die without fruit.”

Natsume blinked, remembering the hair clip in the dream. “Why did the seed change for my mother so many times? It seemed like it wilted and then it turned back into a water lily.”

Ki thought for a moment, “The seed acts differently for everyone Reiko hoped to bring a child into the world who wouldn’t be judged by her sight. The seed of hope showed her a blooming flower since your mother wasn’t the least bit bullied by her sight; she was bullied because she was the child of a witch. When the flower went to your mother, it was constantly changing with your mother’s growing dreams and hopes as she matured from child to adult. When she began to have you, her only hope was to give birth to a healthy baby. The seed was both blessing her and then warning her as the pregnancy went on.” She looked at Natsume hard, like she was trying to make sure he didn’t blame himself again.

“The pregnancy was hard but the seed of hope references the owner’s own beliefs. It was wilting because your mother was losing the fight to her own despair, even going as far as to almost kill herself and her child to save you both from the pain of an uncertain future. You were not to blame for her pain Natsume and she would never want you to think that. If anything, you were the only thing keeping her going forward, the last tiny shimmer of hope.”

Natsume shook his head, feeling a lump in his throat. “No, I felt it. In the dream. She was in pain because she was going to die from having me!”

Ki sighed, “What you felt and saw in the dream were simply the emotions leaking from the seed into me. It is connected that way. Your mother’s emotions were simply twisting and contorting into something ugly, as all things with humans do. It wasn’t as if she cursed the child within her, more like she felt the child curse her. Not only was she too weak for a pregnancy, she also might not last to even care for her child. It was a depressing time for her. She really only truly healed after you were born. After that, her seed of hope turned back into a seed and she handed it off to you, putting it in a small pouch and dangling it around your neck.”

Natsume stared, “She lived?”

Ki gave him a guilty look and slowly shook her head. “Only for a year after. She died a few weeks before your first birthday.”

Natsume sighed, “Oh, I see.”

He left it at that for a minute before remembering something.

“What about the seed?”

Ki gave him a look, “What about the seed?”

“It hasn’t bloomed for me. Not at all. Why?”

Ki blinked for a second before her face fell into another mask of pain.

“Natsume, you were… different. While you grew up, your mind was a bit too simple and pure to grasp the seed’s power. So it just laid dormant, waiting for you to grow. Even after I slept, the seed still trickled emotions to me. As you grew, with the… circumstances you went through…” Natsume heard the small hesitation in her description of his horrible past but let it slide, “Your mind never truly hoped for something. Sure, you wanted kinder families and you might have wished wearily for less hate and more love but you never hoped for anything. You simply… waited. Like you resigned yourself to a fate full of pain and never dreamed of your life getting better. Even when the Fujiwaras came for you, you denied yourself that seed of hope and hardened your heart until it actually came to pass.

You have to remember that the seed reflects the human heart. So the seed simply clung to itself, becoming a small knot filled with doubts and fear more than anything else. It reflected your state of mind at the time: a small seed, devoid of love and attention. Nothing could grow in that situation, Nothing but anger and hate and not even those things grew from you. It was very different.”

Natsume remembered. How the families he had went with started out nice and simply turned sour when they learned of his sight. How they pretended not to be upset with his very presence. How the abuse had set in and he had simply thought it was more his fault than anyone else’s. How, before the Fujiwaras, he just simply expected pain and misery and allowed himself no other fantasy of normalcy. How, even after coming to their house, he simply didn’t trust it and still expected it to be crumbled in a second.

They both sat in silence until Ki moved, gently placing the seed in Natsume’s hand. He looked at it for a moment before closing his hand around it, wrapping it in another layer of warmth. Ki gave him a look.

“Even now, it seems you have grown to trust and believe more but there is a fear stopping you. Like you believe you do not deserve hope of any kind.”

She placed her hand over his, feeding her warmth back to him. He looked at her and waited and from his other side, Nyanko-sensei watched silently too.

“Natsume, I might not be the one to tell you this but hope isn’t something that you have to earn. It isn’t a privilege. It is a right every human seems to take advantage. People hope because they are tired of fearing. They hope because they no longer wish to simply take their fate without complaint. You are allowed to hope for things. It is fine.”

Natsume thought as she talked.

Did he even hope for anything?

He had hoped for a place like the Fujiwaras.

He had hoped for friends like Tanuma and Taki.

He had hoped for a peaceful life like the one he now lived.

Even as he thought, he knew those weren’t good answers. He had achieved those things but not from hope. So what was it?

What was it that he hoped for?

Ki watched as Natsume’s hand began to glow a soft blue and looked to see him lost in thought, barely hearing her. She let go of his hand but kept talking, feeling the power surge through the tiny ball.

“Hope is the reason behind rebellions. The cause for change. The foundation of purpose. The call for strength and the whisper for mercy. Hope is what drives humans towards their own futures. It gives them life to succeed in things that everyone else has torn down. So I wonder, what it that you have desperately hoped for, even if it has been locked away in your heart?”

Natsume thought hard, trying to find the thing he hoped for. He stared at Nyanko-sensei, his mind drifting.

Natsume thought about what about the fight Ki had.

How she had been angry because the exorcists would never stop.

How Matoba had tried to fill his mind with reasons why yokai were not to be trusted. How they deceived humans.

How Natori had been worried about him.

How he told him that one day, he would have to choose between humans and youkai

Humans and Youkai.

Natsume looked up at Ki, the thought finally clicking in his mind.

Just then, his hand burst into a tirade of color, and Natsume yelped, opening his hand to reveal the seed glowing and changing form. In a matter of seconds, it was turned into a waterlily, the flower resting in his hand. Natsume blinked for a second before looking up at Ki, his face full of shock.

Ki simply laughed, touching the waterlily gently before giving Natsume a giant smile.

“It seems you’ve finally found your hope.”

 

“Natsume.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think I might do I bit of an epilogue, not totally sure.  
> Probably.
> 
> Anyways, if you are still there, thanks for reading!
> 
> Leave a comment and feedback would be awesome! Tell me what you think!


	7. Just A Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsume blinked, faintly noting that his cheeks were wet. Ki stepped back, giving Natsume a small smile.
> 
> “Just a moment will be fine. I think Reiko would agree.”
> 
> And with that, the small chime in his room sounded and Ki was gone, the smell of the forest overpowering Natsume’s senses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last Chapter that I finally managed to finish and I am sorry it took so friggin long...
> 
> I am just the worst, is all.
> 
> Enjoy.

**CHAPTER SEVEN: JUST A MOMENT**

 

 

 

Ki waited for Natsume to fully recover before she went back to the forest, a small and faint smile covering her whole body. She touched the water lily again, gently resting in a small bowl on the corner of Natsume’s desk before turning and bowing to him.

“I will keep in touch Natsume.”

Natsume nodded, shrugging on his uniform as he got ready for school. “Right. I hope we can meet again Ki. I want to discuss my grandmother a little more if you would let me.”

Ki smiled and sat silently, watching the lily for a moment. She glanced at Madara and saw the cat give her a glare before disappearing from the room.

She would take it as permission.

She stood and moved to Natsume, gaining his attention as he stopped and gave her a curious look. She simply smiled and rested a hand on his shoulder, closing her eyes.

“Well, I guess I could give you this little hint. Shouldn’t be too much of a problem.”

Natsume felt it then but before he could protest, his eyes blinked and…

 

_He stood in his old house, blinking as his mother moved past him, walking quickly to the front door and opening it gently, an indignant look on her face. The water lily sat in her hair, once again glowing slightly and filled with petals._

_“You're late! I just put him to sleep!”_

_Natsume stared in shock as he looked at the person at the door._

_His grandmother, older than all the memories of the youkai he had seen, stood there and smiled at his mother. She was wearing a simple orange sundress complemented with dirty sneakers and a hat a little worse for wear. She put her hands together in front of her in a small prayer and bowed slightly, smiling behind the gesture._

_“Something came up! I am sorry dear. But I am here and all I want is just a minute or so. I will try my hardest to not wake him up. I promise.”_

_His mother sighed and then looked behind her, her eyes focused on across the street as she spoke._

_“Just you. No one else. Promise me.”_

_Reiko nodded at that, her hands going down to play with the sundress she wore. They stared at each other for a moment before another sigh from his mother. She nodded and moved back into the house, towards Natsume, her mother giving a wave from behind her and walking in too._

_Natsume could see them, three youkai standing across the street from the house._

_Three youkai he never saw before._

_But then he was moving and going into a small room that he didn’t qute recognize and he held his breath._

_The room was so simple it hurt._

_A small room facing the backyard with the doors opened presented itself to him. A gentle wind was swarming through the room and four chimes sounded quietly by the back doors. A small changing table sat in the corner next to a desk with flowers covering the top, all varying in sizes and vases. In the middle of the room sat a small white cradle, a bundle of blue sleeping inside. Natsume watched as his mother went to the cradle and gently picked up the bundle, her eyes alight with wonder and joy._

_Then she turned and gently laid the bundle in his grandmother's hands._

_It was a moment Natsume burned into his eyes._

_Just a moment that he would never forget._

_His grandmother smiled down, her hand gently touching the face of the baby before it latched onto her finger, the small noises slowly making its way to Natsume. Reiko’s face broke out into something closer to awe and pure joy than the usual small smirk she had worn all those years with the youkai. Natsume felt himself crumple from the look._

_A door opened from the somewhere in the house and his mother instantly went, gently closing the door with a short, “Don’t make him cry now Mom. He was doing good all day.” before the room was just him and his grandmother._

_She spoke, her voice holding a sense of authority as she did._

_“Ki.”_

_And then Ki was there, standing at the back door, the chimes singing the presence of the youkai who still looked the same. Shei looked at Reiko with concern before bowing her head and speaking._

_“She won’t survive the year Reiko…”_

_Reiko’s face fell but she smiled again and gently began to rock the baby as small whimpers started up. She whispered, her voice barely audible to Natsume._

_“Now listen here little Takashi… There is a giant world out there filled to the brim with magical things. Wonderfully beautiful but also horrifyingly ugly. It is a world that will abandon you and leave you for dead…”_

_She stopped and then held him up, letting the blanket fall to reveal the baby who laughed and held tiny arms out to her. She chuckled and brought him nose to nose, her eyes closed and a smile playing at her lips._

_“But also, there is great reward for those of us who survive. So remember Takashi… this is your world. Your life. Never let the world destroy you. I can tell. You’re going to be a force to reckon with. And the world will try to pull you down for it. But don’t let them.”_

_“Be brave.”_

_The baby laughed again and smacked her eyes, lighting a laugh from Reiko as she brought him back to her chest and picked up the blanket. Natsume saw the door open again and his mother came back in, his father hanging by the door. His mother sighed and gave Reiko a look._

_“Now he won’t go back to sleep…!”_

_Reiko laughed, handing the baby back to his mother before giving his father a look. He smiled, a small thing playing at his lips._

_“Hello again Reiko. You look as young as I have ever seen you.”_

_“Well, I am not dead yet. Too bad for you.”_

_“Mom.”_

_They all share a laugh as their voices begin to fade, the memory switching for…_

 

His room.

Natsume blinked, faintly noting that his cheeks were wet. Ki stepped back, giving Natsume a small smile.

“Just a moment will be fine. I think Reiko would agree.”

And with that, the small chime in his room sounded and Ki was gone, the smell of the forest overpowering Natsume’s senses.

Nyanko-sensei walked in, giving the room a sweep before pinning Natsume with a look.

“What did Ki do this time?”

From downstairs, Touko-san called up.

_“Takashi-kun? Breakfast is ready! Hurry or you will be late!”_

“I’ll be right down!”

Natsume wiped his eyes and smiled, grabbing his things and picking up Nyanko-sensei on the way downstairs.

His mind played back the memory, the single moment with his grandmother.

A single moment not to be forgotten.  


End file.
